I was fat. Not obesely rolling around like a barrel, but yes, fat, like a plump pigeon.
I wasn't a fan, but I didn't know how to get rid of it, although I would do some run of the mill exercises in my room before I slept, but who knew where in place jogging and 20 skips would get me? Straight to my bed, out of breath.
I wasn't a fan, but I didn't know how to get rid of it, although I would do some run of the mill exercises in my room before I slept, but who knew where in place jogging and 20 skips would get me? Straight to my bed, out of breath.
I was in expanded shape, fluffy and flabby. I had a heavy lower body. Being fat wasn't just about being overweight.
It meant starving myself the whole day to have one huge meal at night, it meant wearing alot of black, layering clothes, making me feel like a 40 year old, wearing kurtas that hid the wide hips,boyish baggy clothes that would make me look like an autowala, and later be recognized as a tomboy.
It meant never having a hairstyle that didn't make me look funny with a body like a bowling pin.
It meant being the "XL" one in an "XS" majority, in India. It meant coming back hungry from parties so as not to be seen as the fat girl eating.
It meant not sitting on someones bike for the fear of it tilting backward,knowing you're the reason why an auto wouldn't be able to ride an upward slope, not being comfortable in airplane seats, and not being able to walk a few paces, or climb a flight of stairs without panting like a rabid dog.
I would contour the shit out of my face to make it look skinny back in 2010. Before it became a trend, it was a daily necessity for me.
I would overcompensate for being fat, by doing good makeup, so that people would only see my face.
I was tired of being called "cute", the kind of cute reserved for teddy bears, bunnies and chubby kids. Not the kind of cute used for a girl,pretty, dimples, hair flying about, sweet sugary smiles and stomach butterfly inducing good looks. I wanted to be that, not a bunny!
It meant not sitting on someones bike for the fear of it tilting backward,knowing you're the reason why an auto wouldn't be able to ride an upward slope, not being comfortable in airplane seats, and not being able to walk a few paces, or climb a flight of stairs without panting like a rabid dog.
I would contour the shit out of my face to make it look skinny back in 2010. Before it became a trend, it was a daily necessity for me.
I would overcompensate for being fat, by doing good makeup, so that people would only see my face.
I was tired of being called "cute", the kind of cute reserved for teddy bears, bunnies and chubby kids. Not the kind of cute used for a girl,pretty, dimples, hair flying about, sweet sugary smiles and stomach butterfly inducing good looks. I wanted to be that, not a bunny!
I knew I looked good, there was still some kind of weird confidence that proclaimed,"So what if you have a fat body, your face is fine. You'll be fine".
And that fat became a layer of protection against the cruel world, where I would feel safe, I would feel like I only had that fat to get rid of, and I would be perfect. It was secret confidence. It was strange that I was never insecure, probably because I knew I had nothing to lose (except weight!) But it did hold me back from alot of things, like swimming class (which I loved, but I never hung outside the pool, just got into the water as soon as I changed into my suit), I skipped PE sessions, and avoided taking part in any games that involved running, that would make a spectacle of my gloriously inelegant body fat. I also avoided going to the gym, fearing I'd have to bounce and jump around with all my excess weight in front of a bunch of random people.
And that fat became a layer of protection against the cruel world, where I would feel safe, I would feel like I only had that fat to get rid of, and I would be perfect. It was secret confidence. It was strange that I was never insecure, probably because I knew I had nothing to lose (except weight!) But it did hold me back from alot of things, like swimming class (which I loved, but I never hung outside the pool, just got into the water as soon as I changed into my suit), I skipped PE sessions, and avoided taking part in any games that involved running, that would make a spectacle of my gloriously inelegant body fat. I also avoided going to the gym, fearing I'd have to bounce and jump around with all my excess weight in front of a bunch of random people.
Let's not forget how much an overweight person sweats.
Bejesus!
I avoided any kind of physical activity as a result of the consciousness.
I didn't like being called "the fat one.. not fat, plump", in pictures, Tired of being told on more than one occasion that I'd look perfect if i lost weight.
Although I was the good looking one in that group I hung out with, but only the fat made me take a step back, from entering a place after my friends, to standing behind in the pictures, comparing the expanse of my chunky thighs when I sat with other people, and quickly placing my bag in my lap to hide it. It meant thinking I was anchored to my fat; in more ways than one!
I wouldn't get approached by guys, that was an advantage to me personally, but just the sheer size difference between a supersized me and the skinny dudes of India, was disappointing yet funny.The thought Marriage or anything physical was deeply disturbing as I would have to expose what I would work hard everyday to cover up.I wore my abaya everywhere, and being long and black, it hid everything I pretended didn't exist.
Although I was the good looking one in that group I hung out with, but only the fat made me take a step back, from entering a place after my friends, to standing behind in the pictures, comparing the expanse of my chunky thighs when I sat with other people, and quickly placing my bag in my lap to hide it. It meant thinking I was anchored to my fat; in more ways than one!
I wouldn't get approached by guys, that was an advantage to me personally, but just the sheer size difference between a supersized me and the skinny dudes of India, was disappointing yet funny.The thought Marriage or anything physical was deeply disturbing as I would have to expose what I would work hard everyday to cover up.I wore my abaya everywhere, and being long and black, it hid everything I pretended didn't exist.
It's very sad how an amazing life, all the dreams,everything I was and was yet to be, was being anchored down by something as stupid and temporary as fat. In the middle of 2012,the year the world was meant to end on Dec 21, I had decided my goal for the new year- to be hot.
I'd had enough of being huge, making fun of myself, that little distance between me and perfection always stabbing me, grey- sallow skin, unhealthy lifestyle, being overly conscious, but more than everything else just the sheer will to be hot overtook everything else.
I'd had enough of being huge, making fun of myself, that little distance between me and perfection always stabbing me, grey- sallow skin, unhealthy lifestyle, being overly conscious, but more than everything else just the sheer will to be hot overtook everything else.
It wasn't for the way people were talking about me, it wasn't because the boy I liked said I was the best looking girl in the city but needed to lose weight, it wasn't because of the rishtas my parents were searching, and it definitely wasn't to make anyone jealous, or to compete with anyone.
It was only for me.
So I spent about six months researching everything, and as per my goal,put my plan into action in January 2012, when it all started, and changed my life.
It was only for me.
So I spent about six months researching everything, and as per my goal,put my plan into action in January 2012, when it all started, and changed my life.
In two weeks I lost 15 inches overall, and I got called something I was never called before- Hot!.
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